I believe that the following is a big personal transformation arc that people go through (willingly or unwillingly):
1. Go through an adversity alone
2. Learn to be self-reliant
3. Become your own best friend
4. Engage with society as a net contributor.
Let me explain.
I think everyone sooner or later learns an important life lesson that it’s all on you.
No one’s coming to save you.
No one will ever figure out life stuff for you.
Struggling in professional/personal/health/spiritual/ (insert a part of your life) aspects? Only you can solve this.
No problem is unfigureoutable. But having the courage to ignore all the alarm bells ringing in your head and focusing on your tasks- what you can control vs what you cannot- that is tremendously character defining.
Knowing you’re alone in this is also equal parts liberating and terrifying- depending on your mental conditioning – but it is what it is.
If you’re lucky enough to have support – a spouse, a parent or a great friend- sure take all the support you need. This isn’t a masochistic contest to go it alone.
But the limited point I’m trying to make is- sooner or later there is going to be adversity that only you will have to face, and that no one else can support you through.
You may get it at age 23 or 61 or 82. But you will.
In fact- rather lucky if you get it earlier in life than later. Sets you up for success.
If everything we do from the day we’re conscious of choices till the day we die is try to figure ourselves out better- this is one of the best accelerators on that path.
Because you realise that the ONLY one you can count on is yourself.
You start getting to know yourself better. You start becoming your own best friend- than seeking comfort and ‘psychological safety’ from others all the time.
This leads to being self aware like you’ve never been before. It leads to being productive like never before because you understand yourself, and build systems around what works and what doesn’t.
It also leads to compassion. For yourself and others. You overall become a better person.
The loop is:
Go through an adversity alone->learn self-reliance->become your own best friend->engage with society as a net contributor.
Too many people going through adversity tend to rely on therapy, friends, books, courses, retreats etc to help them.
That’s just step 1. That’s like warming up in the gym. You need to get off the treadmill at some point and start lifting.
That’s working on yourself. Spending time with understanding yourself.
Looking your flaws straight in the eye and not flinching- rather being compassionate.
Understanding that your thoughts are not who you are. You are something else entirely that cannot be encompassed in your 10 most common thoughts.
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If you’re in your early-mid 20s and are trying to navigate life, career and are entrepreneurial minded- you’ll like this.
This is the real hero’s journey all of us are on.
Everything else- making money, falling in love, becoming an entrepreneur, building a great career, (insert your goals here)- is just a path to get there.
This requires courage and self love in equal measure. To be able to set forth in the first place and also for whenever you inevitably waver from this path- to be able to self correct and come back to centre.
There’s going to be no one watching. No one to applaud you. No one to pat your back. This is a game you play with yourself, for yourself.
Question is- are you up for it?