About a week ago, I attended a dinner party with a few couples. As I walked home afterwards, I couldn’t help but feel very dismayed.
As I thought over my evening, the cause of my dismay became apparent:
These days, I find that sometimes, in the presence of love, I can’t help but be reminded of my aloneness.
I was happy for them but also felt sorry for myself, because I wanted what they have.
By the way, this was a self awareness achievement unlock for me. I couldn’t have imagined diagnosing my own emotions so quickly even 6 months ago. If you’re interested, I wrote a post on how to do this that you might want to read.
Anyway:
After this realisation, a concept from ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, came to mind:
“…suffering ceases to be suffering the moment it finds a meaning. Such as the meaning of sacrifice”
Victor Frankl
I eventually realised that beating myself up, or trying to find reasons why my situation turned out like it did, wouldn’t be useful. I’d rather spend my time making my own meaning.
As I read more of the book, I realise that the ways he shares one may create meaning in life are very similar to habits I’ve picked up sub-consciously.
If anything, this book has been a great reminder to double down on them.
Anyway, I wanted to share 3 of my personal favorite frameworks that I use construct meaning:
#1 Have a schedule. I am usually asleep by 10 pm and awake by 4.30 am. It’s a schedule I’ve followed for almost a year now. I added 4x/wk weightlifting and walking 1 hr daily to my schedule about 4 months ago, and stick to it. All of these systems help me tremendously.
Basically, from a psychological perspective- taking control of your situation helps you find meaning. Jordan Peterson talks about this in his book, 12 Rules For Life (clean your room! take responsibility!)
#2 Build an ecosystem.
Building STRONG relationships with people who share common passions and/or are able to provide you with a sense of belongingness is what you should be optimising for.
Goes without saying that you need to be giving back to them equally if not more- which in turn feeds towards an even greater meaning.
Many struggle to make friends in new cities as adults. I subscribe to the circle theory which helps me a lot. You can read about it here
#3 Sacrifice for others.
Victor Frankl talks about a patient of his who couldn’t get over the grief of his wife’s passing. Victor asks him (I’m paraphrasing)
“What if you had died before her?”
to which the man replies “She would’ve been devastated!”.
To which Victor responds “Well, isn’t it better that you took on the burden of living alone and spared her the suffering by letting her pass first?”
After this consultation, the man left with his inner turmoil resolved to a great extent.
The core point here is- the feeling of sacrifice for someone else or another cause is enough to drive meaning in tough situations.
Anyway, that’s the newsletter for this week. Hope you liked it!
PS: I have two interviews for Account Executive roles (sales) lined up this week and next, that I’m super stoked for. Wish me luck!