When I was 16, I had terrible social skills.
I didn’t have many friends (if we’re splitting hairs, I just had one), wasn’t invited to many parties and generally was an under socialised degenerate compared to other teens.
Like many who have come before me, and many who will come after me, I tend to blame my parents for making me this way.
Just kidding….well, kind of.
The moment I realised just how bad I was looked like this:
My friend and I were standing with a group of kids during lunch break. He was chatting away with ease, and I realised- I didn’t have anything to say.
Has it ever happened to you that you want to be funny, but can only think of the punchline the next day? You think “ah..wish I’d said that back then”
That was me that day- except, I wasn’t trying to be funny. I just wanted to string a few words together. The next day, I wished I could come up with a few words to have said in that situation.
I ended up smiling like a plastic mannequin for the next 15 mins while standing in that group.
Painful.
It’s been 12 years since that day. I now work in sales.
The average day is spent talking and connecting with multiple new people.
In fact, I spent yesterday in a room full of 100 strangers, had 10 amazing conversations and got 8 new leads for the startup that I work for.
I still feel a twinge of anxiety sometimes, don’t get me wrong. But it’s not a barrier to connecting with people anymore.
And that’s at the heart of this “networking” thing that so many of us struggle with.
Connection.
That’s what I wanted to share with you today-my best practices for networking- because most people will need to do this at some point.
And if conversations with friends I’m having are representative of the average person’s networking skills- we could all do with some help.
Here’s some tactical things that might help you the next time you find yourself in a room full of strangers:
#1 Walk up, extend your hand and say hi.
It’s honestly pretty amazing how many people I saw at the event that averted their gaze soon as they met mine. The few that seemed open, we exchanged greetings and ended up having nice conversations.
For the people I really wanted to talk to, I just walked up to them and introduced myself.
It’s that simple- though not easy.
#2 Find common ground.
Robert Cialdini did some amazing research years ago on how persuasion works. One thing that I rely on quite a lot from that is “find common ground”.
It could be the fact that you’re from the same city, university, you like the same sports teams…regardless of who you are- you can find common ground with just about anyone.
Listen- I’m an Indian man with a clearly Indian accent, living in London. If I can find common ground with people I meet here, so can you.
#3 Compliment.
Who doesn’t love compliments? The way my personality has evolved, I genuinely enjoy noticing things about people that others may not, and complimenting them about it.
For instance, the other day, I complimented a guy on his man bun- because it looked great, and I know how hard it is to maintain hair that length (I’ve been trying to grow out my hair for the past 2 years).
The key is to be genuine and not say something for the sake of it. With some people you’ll struggle to find things to compliment basis an initial 5 min interaction – and that’s okay.
The aim is to be in the moment and start noticing these things.
That’s pretty much it.
This might seem like stuff you already know but the thing 99% people won’t do, is practise this over the next 5 social/ work outings you have.
And if you aren’t good at all this today, but genuinely want to start improving- just try one of these today – maybe at the coffee shop or at work.
Take it from a guy who was crappy at this and has made himself a bit less crappy over time- it’s worth it.